How it go my people?!
Everyday I go into a few moments of meditation. I have to take time to myself at least twice a day. Like seriously, it's necessary for me to do this to maintain the level of peace that I've
achieved thus far. During this time I speak with God (Universe, whatever you may call our Divine Force is fine with me. However, I know him/her as God.) and he speaks with me. Shows me things I need to see and enlighten me on what's next!
So this afternoon, as I "withdrew" myself from this earthly realm; I drifted to a moment in my teen years. Follow me nah. It was the ending of May 2008 and I was a few weeks away from my high school graduation. Just a little back story. Where I'm from track and field is a big deal. The highlight of our school year was the various track meets. Especially if you participated! You'd get out of class early LOL. Now, in high school I was always chunky, so my P.E teacher decided that I'd be a good shot put and discus thrower. Listen atta me! I was so shy and self conscious! I would be so nervous, I'd be shaking; ready to burst into tears!!! But I was still good at it. Like really good. It wasn't until like maybe I got into grade 10 or 11 I really got comfortable with doing it. I started to enjoy it but ya know I just looked at it as another activity I did in school. Cool. So back to May 2008.
12th graders usually are done with school by April so we only went to the school for like graduation practice or if we needed to finish up anything. So, I can't really remember what I went to school for this particular day but a few of my classmates and I were sitting under the tree just chilling. Up comes the P.E teacher. He walks straight to me and asks, "Do you know your strength?" I was like huh? He asked me again, "Do you know your strength?" I replied "No, I don't!" and he said that's the problem. He went on to tell me how great I was at shot put and discus throwing among other things.
But, Listen! During my mediation I went back to that moment and I heard those words. "DO YOU KNOW YOUR STRENGTH?" In this moment I'm beginning to realize just how strong I am and how strong I've become. I usually use the phrase "I've been to hell and back" to describe what I've been through cause quite frequently that's what it felt like. I was literally losing my mind and I felt like no one around me noticed it (I'm not saying this is so, I'm just saying in the state I was in I felt alone.) When I compare how I felt, my thoughts and how I look now to a year ago; it's evident that I'm a big ball of strength wrapped up in this body, ody.
I had a conversation with my mudda the other day and it was enlightening. In my culture we don't acknowledge certain things. It's like a big joke; we sit down and watch our friends and loved ones deteriorate right before our eyes. We automatically assume they're faking it and add to the trauma they already feel. I've seen it in my community, folks older than me and people close in age with me. It's sad and I told her it's simply because we don't understand what's happening to the person. Instead of trying to gain knowledge to help; we push them away. That within itself can make or break a person without mental trauma. But. Now that I've lived it I understand just how much strength you have to possess in order to get through it and overcome it.
Everyday is a journey. We would like to think that our family and friends are always going to be there to help us. We coincide our strength with the support of our loved ones. Knowingly or unknowingly. But honestly speaking when it gets to your darkest point in life and ain't no one there but you and yourself; you gotta find God and figure out just how strong you really are.
So, I leave you with the question, "Do You Know Your Strength?"
Catch you in the next post!
LE'SSSSSSSSSSSS GGOOOOOOOOO!!
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