How it go yal?!
I just want to share a small but momentous thing that happened to me. Today was the first time in a very long time I cried tears of joy! I felt such happiness in my soul I couldn't help but praise the Most High! Simply because me being in this moment; me experiencing this is only by his grace!
A few weeks ago I applied for a job. I was a little nervous considering all that I've been through. But on the other hand I knew that now was the time. Every feeling of doubt that I had was overshadowed by my optimism for this new adventure. It was like I just knew I needed to take this path.
I did two interviews and I felt very good about them. I was nervous af but I wasn't anxious at all. That within itself was new for me. As an adult I realized that I may have anxiety, I might as well be honest. I wasn't diagnosed or whatever but if you are truly self-aware you'll know when something's not right within yourself. [I know a lot of people casually throw the word anxiety around just because it seems "cool" but as someone who had this issue most of my life I don't even want to claim it as mine. I made a conscious decision to never say "My Anxiety". I will not attach that feeling to my life, my being, my aura. Maybe in another post I'll share what anxiety looked like for me.] Back to the conversation though. Yeah, although my nerves kicked in, I never felt the anxiousness that I used to. I've had other "job opportunities" presented to me but I never felt like I should go that route. Something just didn't feel right about it. I can't really put my finger on it. And that's what makes me feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing at this time.
So after the interviews were done; I did an aptitude test and I had to provide them with a plethora of information. --My diploma, degree, certificates, identification, police record ya know standard stuff. Then they needed me to do a para-med and get my college transcript. It was a whole lotta whole lotta my friend. I told my best friend they must be hiring me! All this information they requesting; I most definitely got the job. Yup, speaking it into existence; absolutely!
But like a week or two went by and I was like nah hold on! They ain't said nothing in a minute. LOL. So doubt started to creep back in; I was like ya think they ga say something? I mean, they really asked for a lot of stuff to just not hire me. Then Monday morning shortly after 8 am I got an email stating they will let me know this week what their decision was. I felt a sense of relief cause you know at least they said something. I en ga lie I checked my email profusely after that, lol. I just was making sure I didn't miss a follow-up email or nothing. lolol.
Today was the first day I really let my email breathe. I went about my day ya know. Doing what I usually do. As I was about to indulge in my afternoon nap I got a call from a private number. Listen, soul sister don't answer those but I got a lil tap on my shoulder to say "answer dat!" So when I picked up it was HR!! And she told me she had an offer for me. I must go into the office tomorrow and I would start work on Tuesday! [Monday is a holiday] Listen when I tell you I felt so much joy in my spirit!! Everything in me lit up! I immediately went to tell my parents. The pride I saw on their faces made me feel even better ya know. They really saw it all! Especially my mother. She saw her daughter deteriorating right before her. I saw pain in her eyes when she looked at me during the time I was struggling. But today I saw joy! Even my daddy, Mr. Cool; who is sooooo nonchalant [lol] showed excitement when I told him the news.
I told my best friend today I couldn't even fathom this moment a year ago and I felt like I wanted to cry. She said to me "Cryyyyyyy girl!! You came such a long way! You deserve everything!" You know I didn't want to shed any tears because all I used to do was cry. I used to cry because I was hurt or I felt immense pain. But today, I cried because I overcame something that was designed to keep me in bondage. I broke free. I just couldn't hold it in. I went to my mommy and hugged her. She immediately felt concerned and asked what happened. When I told her that these were happy tears I heard her sigh with relief. This is such an accomplishment for me. I didn't think I would ever get here. It's amazing what changes a year can bring.
Many nights I prayed long and hard asking God to please bring me through and he sure did. After all the excitement I took my nap and as I awoke from my slumber this song was ringing in my ear and I've been singing it all night.
When I think about the Lord; How He saved me, how He raised me, How He filled me, with the Holy Ghost, How He healed me, to the uttermost.
When I think about the Lord; How He picked me up and turned me around How He set my feet on solid ground;
It makes me wanna shout! Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus! Lord, you're worthy, of all the glory, and all the honor And all the praise!
Me getting the job just assures me that he's here with me and that it's truly him speaking to me and through me. I'm thankful! If you know the struggles I've had for the past year and a half to two years then you'd truly understand what a glorious day this is for me.
Thank God for the small feats my loves. That's how he'll know you're ready for the big ones!
Catch yal in the next post!