Written: January 11, 2021
Let me just tell you how fear tried to stop me! Nahhhh bruh!! Ien with it!
So, I guess this is going to be my diary; my way to not only encourage you but also to encourage me. I've been working on this website since May 2020. At the time of me typing this post it is January 10, 2021. I've been so anxious about whether or not I wanted to go through with investing in the website and creating this brand. Simply because this passion project was birthed during a very rough and traumatic time in my life and I was in complete distress. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and most definitely mentally. -- A little back story on me and how I got to this particular point. In a future blog post I'll speak more about my history with anxiety. I've dealt with it by myself since I was a little girl. -- It came across as I was shy, more of an introvert. -- However, the most extreme trauma that I've ever experienced in my life began in 2019. Can't put my finger on what triggered it but I began to shut down. Completely! I didn't want to be around ANYONE! NOT ONE PERSON. So much so, I quit my job! That took everyone for a loop. Then to add gas to the fire; the central part of the island I live on went through a horrific hurricane that left massive destruction and devastation. I went from being anxious to full on petrified of everything and everyone; even my 10 year old niece and 6 year old nephew. It was bad yal! Then months later my oldest brother died. That broke my heart and sent me into a deep and dark depression. I couldn't explain what I felt to anyone because I was always afraid. So, I stopped talking to everyone! Stopped answering my phone calls, texts and whatsapp messages. Haven't been on social media since. I had definitely shut down at this point! I didn't want to be here anymore and was about to make that happen. But God!! After that I began searching for ways to help myself. I was also into learning new things or whatever so I decided I wanted to take a course. I came across a very comprehensive Health & Wellness Coaching course and I knew I had to take it. A part of me was like, "nah how you ga coach anyone like this?" But I did it anyway and through me doing it, I had lots of revelations and realized I'm being called to share this. And so the HHWC Guide was developed. I knew at that moment the impact would be insurmountable because I went through it and it helped me tremendously. Even after creating the guide and everything I still sat on it. I didn't want to move forward with the idea. You know, doubting it'll ever work. But deep down I kept saying what if it does? Still, fear stepped in front and center. The name of this brand was not chosen, ironically it chose me. I know, hear me out. I watched a video and the main objective was handling the ebb n flow of life. That video spoke to me in a way that birthed something in me so I googled the meaning and Merriam-Webster's dictionary says "it's used to describe something that changes in a regular and repeated way." Then the light bulb went off; life is constant change, whether we realize it or not. Therefore, "Only changing for the best" should be our purpose. Even after this epiphany I was still fearful of taking that leap. I would pray and meditate for a sign then boom! Someone on a video says the ebb n flow and I'm like okay I hear ya. But I still did nothing. And as the new year approached I felt even more compelled to move forward. I felt this was the time. Made up in my mind I'm going to publish this site and pay for a year's service so I can do whatever I needed to do. So I started maneuvering stuff and now here we are. I'm looking over the final touches and then boom. That anxiety! I couldn't complete it. All the limiting thoughts began lurking. Mind you, I think the website is great but fear was sitting in front of the laptop screen, not me. As I'm typing this post, I'm watching a youtube video for a little encouragment. -- I know, I know. All I do is watch videos. True. -- But, the name of the video is "The devil is a lie. YOU WON." The premise of the video is basically talking about us actually having faith and believing in what we've been called to do. Believing that our steps are being ordered. We must arise and know our time has come. And I'm like okay, okay. I hear you but the anxiety that plagued me my entire life was creeping back in. I started doubting again, then I felt the hot sensation in my chest -- that's the beginning of the self sabotaging anxiety attack -- like am I really going to do this?! Mind you in the back of my mind I'm telling myself, watch how this bloom into something magnificent but I just can't seem to get past this feeling. Then bam! The youtuber said, "God is telling us to move on what he has already told us to move on. Do what he has already told us to do." WORD!! Don't question it! Arise and shine!
Think about this:
What would you do if you knew that everything you touched flourished? Me? I'd do everything I Iove and more!
Will you succeed? YES! Should you do this? YES! Will you get this or that? YES! Will you be able to do it? YES! Is it for you? YES! Is this a good time to do it? YES! How would your days be different if you moved like the results you're looking for were automatic? Le's continue to change for the better!
Check us in the next post! Le's GOOOOOOOOOO!!